I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
