I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
