I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All I want is dick and wine.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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