I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
