Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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