i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
