The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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