he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
