i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The power of my boobs compel you
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
