So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
