What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
