If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
