Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
