My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
