she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
