Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
