i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
