You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
