Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
