Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
