I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
