He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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