So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
smell my finger.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
