I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
