And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
