Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
