The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
