He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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