it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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