If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
