So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
