Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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