his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
