i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
