I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
