Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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