Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
