Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
