I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
