shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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