omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
