just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
