burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
