i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
