Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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