Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry skittens_69lol hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(636): View more from Missouri

FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.

Fav 8 4307 1076
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it

Fav 14 4422 1062
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(317): View more from Indiana

The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.

Fav 25 5660 1524
share tweet
(250): View more from British Columbia

Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.

Fav 1 993 2719
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better

Fav 12 1473 751
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.

Fav 5 1577 905
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(506): View more from New Brunswick

She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"

Fav 4 1002 563
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.

Fav 1 61 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"

Fav 0 16 24
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT