her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
