why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
