I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
