i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
