So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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