she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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