like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
