You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
