You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
