ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
